


Dare To Push Me Away

by theloverneverleaves



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Minor Clizzy, Minor Jimon, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, aka blink and you miss it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:16:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8977447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theloverneverleaves/pseuds/theloverneverleaves
Summary: Shadowhunters have soulmarks, and only Shadowhunters have soulmarks. Everyone knows that. They're a gift from the angel, a blessing that gives you someone who understands you like no one else, someone to follow you into battle no matter what. But not all Shadowhunters have soulmarks, and when Alec Lightwood gets his, he finds himself wishing that fate hadn't bothered.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bitterglitter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitterglitter/gifts).



> Written for the Shadowhunters Beta Fic Exchange under the prompts "Soulmate Identifying Mark AU" with a very slight hint of "Someone gets called to go to Idris on a holiday/important day". Beta'ed by [@goodmaninahurricane](http://goodmaninahurricane.tumblr.com/) of Shadowhunters Beta Net.

“Alec! Jace! Look!”

Isabelle Lightwood burst into the training room with a crash of thunder, and it was enough to make Jace slip out of form, Alec’s training staff colliding with his shoulder. Jace winced at the contact, but he was a Shadowhunter. He’s had worse. Rather than be concerned for his parabatai, all of Alec’s attention was on his sister, who usually only burst in like that when something was wrong. But she looked too happy for something to be wrong. Alec knew his siblings.

Which was just as well, because someone had to look after them.

Before Alec could question what was going on, Izzy was tugging her shirt off, and Jace’s eyebrows receded up towards his hairline. “We know you have great taste in sports bras, Iz, it’s okay,” he said, teasing her slightly and Izzy reached out to punch him in the shoulder, somehow managing to pick the exact place Alec had accidentally hit. “Hey, ow!” he complained, rubbing his arm. “Don’t damage the merchandise.”

“ _Look_ ,” Izzy insisted, pulling her hair over her shoulder and turning so that both Jace and Alec have a full view of her back. Izzy didn’t have a problem with showing off her body, so it wasn’t as if Alec didn’t know it well. It’s the one place that’s relatively free from rune scars, at least compared to the rest of her. Putting runes on your back is just impractical. Unless, of course, someone else is doing it for you, which meant either Jace or him drew most of the ones he can see there. The iratzes there were an uncomfortable reminder of missions gone wrong, but Alec knew that wasn’t what she was asking them to look at.

Instead there was a dark pink mark over her spine, right between the shoulder blades. If Alec had just met her, he might have mistaken it for a birth mark. A very precisely shaped birthmark, but a birthmark all the same. But he was well aware that it couldn’t be, because it hadn’t been there yesterday. In fact Alec could guess exactly what it was. He didn’t need to say it though, because as always, Jace got there first.

“Wait, is that your _soulmark_?”

Izzy nodded eagerly, and Alec took a moment to take it in. It looked like a serpent tangled up with a bird. Or something with wings anyway. But unbonded soulmarks are always a bit hard to make out on the details anyway. Unique enough so that you can find each other, but indistinct enough that it’s not always totally obvious what they actually _are_. That only happens when soulmates find each other, complete the bond, and the mark just looks like another rune. In colour, anyway.

“What do you think?” Izzy asked eagerly, looking over her shoulder at the two of them.

“I think it looks like a snake eating a pigeon for lunch,” Jace commented. Alec rolled his eyes, stepping forward.

“I think whoever your soulmate is will be very lucky to have you,” he reassured her. Izzy dropped her hair, turning around and beaming.

“I can’t believe I got mine before both of you.”

It wasn’t as if it had ever been impossible. Soulmarks were funny like that. A shadowhunter phenomenon, Alec had always been taught that it was a gift from the angels. That there was one person in the world who would be your ultimate partner, in everything. Soulmates were special. When soulmates met, when they chose to stay together, they were bound in everything. Hearts, minds, lives. Soulmates were precious and special. And you didn’t leave your soulmate, because who would be crazy enough to reject that? To reject someone who loved and accepted you for everything you were and could be?

Jace would always be his parabatai, but soulmates… soulmates were different. A parabatai was the soulmate you chose. Not weaker. Not any less binding or any less of a sacred bond. Jace was his life, his brother, his everything. But it was just… different. He always thought that was maybe where the taboo on being _in_ love with your parabatai came from. Someone somewhere along the way had decided that the person the angels chose for you was more important that the one you chose for yourself.

Alec wasn’t sure if he bought that, but rules were rules.

It wasn’t even as if all soulmates ended up romantically in love. It was uncommon, but not unheard of for soulmates to be platonic. Those relationships were no less valued in the eyes of the Clave. Soulmates were soulmates, and that bond was sacred. Shadowhunter pairings were made all the more lethal by that bond, of course the Clave approved. There was no telling who Izzy would end up bound to. Somewhere in the world, there was another Shadowhunter who would match her in everything.

Alec was happy for her. Really.

“Clearly they haven’t found anyone who could match my brilliance,” Jace commented chirpily, brushing off the fact that he didn’t have a soulmark yet. Of course, there were some people who never got soulmarks. Some people who just… never got them. No one really knew why. Some people had theorized that their soulmates weren’t Shadowhunters at all, and that was why the mark never appeared. That instead they were more compatible with a mundane, and what use would that be to anyone?

There were stories, from the old days. Of mundanes who ascended and suddenly found their soulmates all in one breath. But they were just that. Stories. Fairytales made to give the unmarked hope, because loving a mundane would result in a dereliction of duty, and the Clave would never allow _that_ either. Perhaps it was just as well that it was more common for most Shadowhunters to have soulmarks. Kept them alive and fighting, anyway.

They were young, though. Izzy had only just turned sixteen. There was time yet for soulmarks. Sometimes they took years to appear. Most had appeared by the age of twenty three, but still… there was time for Jace yet.

“At least you and Alec have each other,” Izzy said, and Alec smiled weakly.

“Yeah. Right.” Ignoring his overriding crush, confusion, and the multiple heart attacks Jace gave him daily, sure. They had each other.

Jace grinned, clearly not taking Alec’s apparently lack of enthusiasm too seriously, instead tugging him closer into a one armed hug. “Wanna join the dream team for some training, Iz? You know, until you find your replacement for us,” Jace teased. Izzy rolled her eyes dramatically, tugging her shirt back on and pulling her hair back.

“Sure. You need your ass kicked anyway.”

Jace and Alec watched her go and grab some equipment, getting herself prepared, and Alec resisted a sigh. Jace looked at Alec from the corner of his eye, and after a long pause murmured to him softly. “She’ll be okay, y’know.”

Alec nodded. “Yeah. I know.”

She was Isabelle Lightwood, after all. No matter what was thrown at her, she always seemed to be okay.

Alec just wished he could say the same for himself.

 

* * *

 

When Alec met Magnus Bane, it was explosive. Literally. Things were literally exploding.

It wasn’t for long, to be fair. In fact, Alec barely got a second glance at the warlock Clary came to bribe before he disappeared into a portal. It’s not as if he hasn’t heard of Magnus Bane before. He’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He’s been doing deals with the Institute for years, repairing wards when necessary. It was just that the last time that happened was years ago, and Alec was too young to be involved. So no, they’d never met. Passed like ships in the night, maybe, but never really met.

But apparently Magnus Bane has the key to the little girl’s memories, and so off they went, because Jace and Izzy seemed to be obsessed with doing whatever Valentine’s daughter wanted, and if someone is going to keep them safe, alive and relatively in line it’s going to have to be him. One might expect the acting head of the New York Institute to have more control over his Shadowhunters, but Jace and Izzy… Alec’s never been able to control them. Nor has he really wanted to.

The party was the exact kind of event that Alec detested, loud and close and not enough space to really fight in. Too many people to be caught in the crossfire of whatever interference Valentine might have planned. Alec was on edge, but Izzy was having fun, and her and Clary were playing dress up and standing suspiciously close in the line to get in. Jace was addicted to Clary too, and none of them were thinking straight other than him. Or that’s how it felt, anyway.

Only, it turned out Alec wasn’t really thinking straight at all, because when he spotted Magnus across the room, his first and only fleeting thought was how attractive he was in person. The pictures Hodge had didn’t do him justice. But maybe it was because pictures are static. Magnus was attractive standing still, true, all the glamour and flamboyance of his fashion sense. But Magnus in motion… it’s something else. There was some kind poetry in how he controlled his body, every motion both perfectly controlled and precise and unrestrained and free. It was fascinating.

Alec managed to forget about it for a little while, even if the brief glimpse of Magnus Bane was still floating in the back of his head. After all, they were tracking him down. It wasn’t as though he could just _forget_ about him. But there was the girl to contend with, and Jace and all of those emotions all bundled up into a big knot somewhere in the middle of his chest.

But then he was shooting more arrows to rescue Magnus from the Circle, and he finally actually talked to Magnus and he couldn’t help but smile. Actually, genuinely smile. It felt like the first time in forever. It felt like years since Clary Fray arrived even if it had only been a few days. Magnus was… entrancing. There was something about him, some magnetic pull and Alec couldn’t stop himself from… whatever it is he’s feeling.

Which is nothing. Because he’s not… this isn’t a problem. The Clave, the rest of society, there’s no telling what would happen… But it doesn’t matter, because it isn’t a problem because it’s not happening.

Magnus calling him pretty boy isn’t the best way to reinforce that, but well, whatever. As long as Jace didn’t notice anything… which he didn’t… right?

It’s when he takes Magnus’ hand for the ritual that it really happens. That spark of electricity travelling up his arm and down his spine, and Izzy makes light of it, but Alec can’t ignore the way all of his nerves are on fire, the slight burning over his heart. He’d never felt like this before.

But it’s not like he got much time to really process it, because then there’s the whole… incident with the demon and… well, Alec would rather forget that happened at all. Magnus, Izzy… they say things that are probably supposed to help, but Alec didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear any of it. He’s not in love with Jace. He’s not in love with Jace. Does he admire Jace, adore him, think he’s the perfect Shadowhunter and that Alec is letting him down as a parabatai? Yes. But love him… that’d be crazy. It’d be breaking the law. Parabatai can’t be in love. There’s nothing else to be done.

It was hours later before he got the time to breathe. They’d barely gotten back when Clary produced another threat out of thin air, another thing he has to deal with. Honestly, it’s like the girl is a magnet for danger. But finally, finally, everything is dealt with and Alec can just _breathe_ , take a shower and try and forget the disaster that’s getting more and more out of control with every second that passes by.

The mirror was fogged up with steam when he got out, and he wasn’t vain enough to take a second look anyway, instead tugging on a pair of loose pants and no sooner did he go back into his room than the door burst open, practically bouncing off the wall.

“What the hell is your deal?” Izzy demanded. Alec raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to speak, but she hardly gave him the time. “I get that you are upset about all of this, and that it sucks, and that Valentine is back and that’s a big deal, and laying aside whatever happened at Magnus’, I get it’s hard, but you do not get to be that cruel to Clary!” Izzy said, somehow managing to yell at him without actually raising her voice. “Honestly, what the hell-- wait, what’s that?” Izzy’s tone changed on a dime, shifting from the fierce disapproval and defensiveness of before to something soft and wondrous. Her eyes were wide, and she was pointing at his torso. Alec peered down, looking over his shoulder.

“What?” he asked, bewildered by the pace of her once more. Rather than wait, Izzy grabbed his shoulder, turning him back to face her before very precisely pointing in the vicinity of his heart.

“ _That_. Is that what I think it is?” Izzy demanded, and Alec felt his heart drop as he followed the path of her finger, moving towards his mirror as if he thought that was going to show something different. “You got your soulmark and didn’t tell me?” Izzy asked, somehow managing to sound sad, disappointed and scandalised all at once. Alec was too busy processing to reply though, staring at the little purple-red mark in the mirror, rubbing at it as if he expected it to smudge off.

It didn’t.

It was as indistinct and hard to make out as Izzy’s had been the first time he’d seen it, that maybe looked something like a cat with wings. Alec didn’t really know what the hell it was, but it didn’t matter, because apparently he had a soulmate.

Seeing the shape of a cat and thinking back over what had happened since the last time he had a chance to breathe was, he thought he might be able to guess who had the other half too. But that would be crazy. Soulmarks led to other Shadowhunters. Not…

At least his soulmate wasn’t Jace. It meant if he could distract them all long enough he could at least make that problem go away.

“I didn’t… I…” Alec stammered, hand sliding down from the mark. Izzy sat down beside him in front of the mirror, turning to face him even as Alec continued to stare at himself in the mirror. This was probably the longest he’d looked at his own body in a long time.

“You just found it,” she summarised accurately, and Alec nodded dumbly, unable to find the words to respond. She looked at him sympathetically, resting her head on his shoulder as she pulled him into a hug. “Oh, Alec.” There was a beat of silence, even as Alec stared at the mark. “Do you know who it could be?” she asked.

“Do you know who yours is?” he asked, deflecting the attention away from himself because Alec really didn’t want to think about it. Izzy took in a deep breath, hesitating, and that was enough for Alec. He looked down at her, trying to take her in. “Iz?”

“Maybe,” she admitted. “I don’t know.”

Alec shook his head a little. For some angel given gift, soulmarks just made everything more complicated, not less.

“Valentine’s back. I don’t have time to deal with this,” Alec murmured, not that he was trying to be ungrateful, because really, he wasn’t. Jace still didn’t even _have_ a soulmark. Not everyone got one, and Alec knew he was supposed to feel lucky but… they had other things to deal with. He had to prioritise. He had to keep Jace and Izzy safe first, deal with Valentine second, and deal with his own desires last. That was how it was. That was the responsibility he’d taken on. He was meant to be running this institute. And somehow it was running him.

“You’re allowed to do something for yourself, Alec. It’s okay,” Isabelle told him, but Alec chose not to respond. How could he? With everything going on, how could he justify that? There were more important things to handle. Izzy just sighed, patting his shoulder gently. “Be nice to Clary. She’s trying,” Izzy reminded him.

They were all trying. But there were no points for effort where Valentine was involved. Either they won or lost. And Alec was not prepared to lose.

 

* * *

 

Magnus was the island in the storm of everything crazy.

Everyone wanted something from him. Jace wanted him to help Clary, Clary wanted him to approve whatever haphazard mission she had to get back her mother, Izzy wanted him to stand up for himself as if he wasn’t doing that already, his parents wanted him to be a leader, to take responsibility, to restore the Lightwood name and honour. His world was a spiral, and Alec didn’t know which way was up or which way to turn for sanity. Everything was building up like a tsunami, and he didn’t know when that wave was finally going to hit and destroy what was left of his life.

But Magnus… he was there. He didn’t ask anything, didn’t want anything, and when Alec tried to find the words to explain all the reasons he can’t, Magnus silenced him and said he understood. All of that felt like a gift in itself. But it wasn’t just that. It was the way his entire being seemed to light up a little more when Magnus was in the room. It was the feeling of them sharing strength to save Luke’s life, the feeling of that being so _right_ that Alec couldn’t explain. He should have been worried, allowing a warlock to use him like that. But Alec only ever felt safe. Important. And somehow, at home. As if right there by Magnus’ side was where he was supposed to be.

Luke and Clary were asleep in Magnus’ spare room, and as Alec moved back through to the lounge he couldn’t help but rub at his chest, at the place he knows his soulmark hid. He knew he should talk about it, but it was too much. Alec had been taught one thing about soulmarks his whole life, one overriding fact. It was a Shadowhunter mark. It’s a gift for those of the angels. There are no soulmarks on mundanes, and there are no soulmarks on downworlders. They’re not worthy of it.

It’s more than that, though. Soulmates are partners in a fight, partners in everything. There’s a perfect harmony there, and yet Alec was expected to give that up. When Izzy had come in talking about marriage and honour, Alec had almost decided to ask the question, but he didn’t need to. There’s already plans to take them to Idris. Izzy’s had her soulmark for years. If his parents got lucky and found out Izzy’s soulmate was some respectable Shadowhunter from an ancient, esteemed family, then all their problems were solved. If not, then they could just pair Alec off with someone unmarked and fix the problem that way. The Camael Solstice was in a few days, and all of the soulmate seeking events that went with that. The day was built for finding life partnerships. Alec had no doubts that the timing was deliberate on his parents’ part. The sooner either Izzy or him made an attachment, the better.

The fact that Alec had lied about his soulmark, had neglected to tell his parents he had one at all was besides the point. Izzy had glared at him for it, but there was nothing to be done. Nothing to do. Deep within his heart he knew what his soulmark meant, but he only had a few options open to him that lead to the Lightwoods keeping the Institute and their honour. Leadership comes with sacrifices. The mission is all. There’s no road that leads down the path he keeps seeing mirages of, the path that Magnus hinted at earlier. It’s something he can’t even consider as a possibility.

Alec’s surprised they’re not trying to marry Jace off too. Jace is a Lightwood in every way that matters. Except the name, which apparently is the core of the issue here. What good would Jace do them, when he doesn’t carry the precious Lightwood honour Maryse and Robert were so worried about?

“Alexander. I didn’t realise you were still here.” Magnus’ voice was soft, warm music in the dead of night, and Alec looked up blearily from where he’d collapsed on Magnus’ couch, the same one he’d cleaned earlier.

“I was just checking on Luke,” Alec replied, peering over his shoulder. Magnus somehow looked artfully put together and utterly spent all at once. No matter how much he tried to brush it off, to defend his reputation as the most powerful and brilliant warlock around, Alec wondered how much the day’s events had really drained him.

He did not wonder how someone can look so attractive with no apparent effort.

“He was fine last I saw,” Magnus said, concern giving away his true emotions. Alec nodded.

“He is. Sleeping. Clary too,” Alec explained briefly. “Jace said he’d be back in the morning.”

“Ah, wonderboy. How delightful,” Magnus retorted dryly, taking a seat next to Alec on the couch. “Didn’t Maryse need you for something?” It was true, his mother had called, with this update and that on reports the Clave needed and what they had to do to repair the damage he’d caused with all the unsanctioned missions on Clary’s behalf. And he really should go back and deal with that.

But then Magnus had offered one more drink and he’d gotten busy and well… suddenly going back didn’t seem like an attractive idea anymore.

“It can wait ‘til morning,” Alec replied. He didn’t know what it was about Magnus Bane that pulled him in, against logic, against reason. He had duties to fulfil, broken pieces to mend. And here he was. Sitting on Magnus’ couch at 3am with very little desire to move or go anywhere.

“You must be exhausted. Let me offer you a bed at least,” Magnus said. “Could even be mine if you like.” Alec bit back a smile, shaking his head a little.

“I’m good. Stamina rune,” Alec said, hand subconsciously drifting to his side where it lay hidden under his t-shirt. “I can keep an eye on Luke if you want to get some rest,” he offered, and Magnus scoffed a little.

“And leave my guest to take care of things? That would make me a poor host,” Magnus replied, as if it was the height of indecency to even consider it. But wasn’t that Magnus all over? Apparently uncaring for them or their plight, but forever concerned with justice and decency. As much as might complain about doing them favours, or having Jace around, Alec got the feeling that Magnus really didn’t mind that much at all. He was fond of Clary, at the very least.

There was a lull of silence, and Alec took a moment to enjoy the feeling of Magnus at his side, the utter comfort and freedom he felt at that. Everyone wanted something from him, so he was always pretending. With Magnus… Magnus was different. Alec had only ever felt this comfortable around Jace and Izzy before. How had Magnus Bane found a way in so quickly?

Maybe that was the reason his next words came out, the reason he let himself think about it and mention it at all. “I notice Luke still has a soulmark.” It had been hard to miss, really. Luke Garroway, now head of the New York wolves, former Shadowhunter, didn’t have a single rune on his body. Those would have disappeared long ago. After all, he was a downworlder. Downworlders didn’t get soulmarks.

“Yes?” Magnus encouraged, clearly looking for the question. Alec cleared his throat, shifting a little in the leather seat.

“It’s just… I mean… I didn’t think… you know, soulmarks are-”

“You mean the Clave teaches you that soulmarks are some angelic gift and the rest of us are too stupid or too demonic to be worthy of them,” Magnus cut in, rescuing him a little again. Alec tried not to be embarrassed about it. Mostly what Magnus was saying - it sounded ridiculous when he put it like that. “It never fails to fascinate me how the Clave can always twist everything to make themselves sound superior,” Magnus mused, and Alec didn’t know what to say. He was spared the need, however. “Downworlders can bear soulmarks just the same as Shadowhunters can. They just don’t always manifest in the same way. Or at all. The Fae, for instance, are notorious for using magic to track their soulmates down, if they so choose. They don’t always wish to, though.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to find your soulmate?” Alec questioned, brow furrowed.

“Would you want to feel like your choice had been taken away? Your agency over your decisions, who you choose to love, to connect with? Even if you say that some relationships between soulmates don’t need to be romantic, you still have the universe and some higher power telling you this is the person you should be with and this is how your life should be. Not everyone wants that. Some people want the power to make their own decisions.”

Alec swore he felt his heart sink with every word. It sounded too personal, as if Magnus had given it more thought than Alec could have possibly imagined. But then, Magnus was ancient. He was a powerful, immortal warlock, and he was just a struggling Shadowhunter barely out of his teens. Of course Magnus had given it more thought.

“Do Warlocks have soulmate marks?” Alec asked, a whisper on the night after a long pause, a question he never would have asked if it hadn’t been three in the morning and they were both a little more exhausted than either wanted to admit. There was a long pause, and Alec chanced a glance over at Magnus. There was a sadness in his eyes, along with some spark of tiny, subtle hope. Alec could see the ages of Magnus’ life stretched out in those eyes. All the loneliness. He could only imagine what it must be like. Watching the people you cared for age and die around you.

It must have been hell.

“They can. Sometimes,” Magnus replied equally softly. “A friend of mine once had two, but I suppose she was rather a special case, like Luke. Whatever traditions werewolves hold, Luke was a Shadowhunter first. That mark will never disappear.”

Alec considered it for a moment, letting it all sink in. He knew what all this implied. If he was right… if what he refused to let himself admit was right then… “Who do you suppose his soulmate is?” Alec asked, deflecting attention away. Magnus chuckled softly.

“Oh, I think we can all guess.” Magnus was right. Luke had been devoted to one person for so long, that he supposed it was impossible to imagine him with anyone else. It made perfect sense. Of course it did. Alec wondered if Clary knew. She knew so little of being a Shadowhunter. But then, Izzy was trying to teach her. Izzy and Jace both.

He wondered if that lesson had come up, or if it was stacked underneath all the critical, life saving ones.

“Alexander, I--” Magnus looked at him with the intensity of the stars, and Alec was almost glad when a thud from the other room cut him off. Alec could only imagine what Magnus had wanted to say. And it was only with the jolt of noise that Alec remembered there was an outside world at all. There was barely an inch of space left between the two of them, and Alec realised he was sitting close enough to pick out the individual shades of brown in Magnus’ eyes.

Too close. All too close.

“I’ll go,” Alec murmured, getting up from the couch and removing himself from the situation before it got worse, before he had to consider more, before he had to really start to think about all of that again.

As it turned out, Clary had woken up too, and the noise had been a book sliding from her lap in the chair where she’d been dozing. Alec didn’t think he’d ever been more grateful for the tiny redhead’s presence since the day she arrived at the Institute.

And wasn’t that something?

 

* * *

 

They were lucky they were allowed into Idris at all, as far as Alec could gather. Everything was getting worse, spiralling in a way that Alec couldn’t control. The Clave wouldn’t speak to his parents, the Clave wanted control of the Institute, the Clave wanted the Lightwoods removed from the Institute, the Clave wanted Clary and Jace in hand…

The Clave wanted a lot of things that weren’t happening. Alec didn’t know what to do about it either.

But apparently despite Valentine at their doorstep, despite Forsaken washing up in Luke’s restaurant and despite all of the other crap going on, the Clave couldn’t possibly consider cancelling the Camael Solstice. The annual event where a bunch of people got thrown into a fancy party and were expected to find their soulmates. Alec had never understood the practicalities of that. How could you connect with someone at a scheduled event like this?

If you were soulmates, though, he had always guessed it didn’t matter where it was.

He and Izzy had been all but ordered to attend, in the hopes of redeeming the family honour and showing how serious they were about the Clave’s law and order. Despite all their differences and Jace’s near constant disappearances with the little girl, he’d promised to attend too, because in his words, he wouldn’t allow his siblings to find their soulmates without him around to see it. Clary had tagged along too, because where Jace went Clary did. Joy.

It was exactly the kind of party Alec had come to expect from Idris, even if they hadn’t visited that much over the years. Decadent, over the top and exceptionally civil. It was like stepping back in time compared to New York, everyone dressed up in ridiculous outfits with soulmarks painted on the backs of their hands. It was the tradition, of course. The room was decked out in shades of blue and green; it almost looked like an ocean, between the decorations and the outfits people wore.

He lost track of Izzy long ago, who liked to throw herself into a party whether it was in the middle of a crisis or not. Jace and Clary were together… somewhere, and Alec didn’t have the patience for either of them right now. So instead he was hiding out of the action, trying to avoid attracting too much attention. Of course, that hadn’t quite worked out either.

Where most people in the room had painted marks on the backs of their hands in blue or green, Alec’s hand remained utterly bare. It wasn’t the done thing - if you had a soulmark, the whole point of the evening was to display it, to find your soulmate. But Alec was still telling everyone he didn’t have one.

Maybe it was because he knew his soulmate wasn’t here. Maybe it was because there was a difference between soulmates and duty. And right now, Alec knew what had to come first.

Either way, Alec hadn’t expected to garner much attraction with a blank hand. But it felt like rather the opposite had happened. As Lydia had promised, all the girls in Idris apparently _were_ clamouring to meet him, and Alec didn’t have the patience for it anymore. It was hard, handling all of this. He had work to do, and none of these girls held any sort of interest for him. They all had soulmates to find, futures to invest in. He was supposed to be investing in his own future, in the family name. But saying that and actually doing it were two very different things. He just couldn’t picture a future with any of these women. But Magnus… Follow his heart. That had been the advice. And his heart said he was tired of doing everything that everyone else demanded of him. What he wanted was to run the Institute. Take his place, restore the family name with someone he actually liked.

Desire and soulmarks had to come second to that goal. That was what he wanted.

“Tired of the party?”

Alec turned at the familiar voice, wondering who had found his hiding spot. He had retreated out onto the balcony not long ago. It was cold, which meant most people weren’t up for braving the weather. But the view over Alicante was spectacular, and Alec had had so few chances to see it that it seemed a shame not to take this one. This was the upbringing he could have had, if not for his parents. His parents the Circle members.

Christ, what had happened to his life?

“Never was one for parties,” Alec replied casually, taking in Lydia in her full glory. She looked beautiful. The bright blue dress she wore set off her eyes, and she looked like a princess. But every time Alec thought of what he wanted, there was always more brown and eyeshadow involved.

He ignored the thought, turning back to the view as Lydia moved to join him, leaning on the railing at his side. “No, I didn’t think you were,” Lydia admitted. “Not even to find your soulmate?” Alec shifted instead of responding, feeling Lydia’s gaze drift to his hands. “Oh. Sorry,” she said quickly, and Alec shook his head.

“No, it’s fine,” he reassured her. “Probably better off that way.” Or at least, he would be, if it was true. It would make things a hell of a lot less complicated. Alec’s eyes drifted to the smudged mark on her hand. “You?”

Lydia shook her head too, her eyes cast down. “John,” she replied, and Alec could hear the devastation in her tone. “I was lucky, I suppose. We were planning to seal the bond as part of the wedding. Never got to do it.” She paused, fiddling with her fingers. “It’s… it’s the one thing I regret most of all. You hear everyone talk about what it’s like. Having a complete soulbond. And we never got to have that.”

It was the real goal, the pinnacle of it all. Soulmates were all well and good, but bonded soulmates, those that chose to complete that bond with a rune… they were near unstoppable. Stronger than anything else in the world. That was a choice too - the bonding ceremony was an old hangover from couples that went into battle together. It didn’t always happen now. But when it did… Lydia wasn’t wrong. Alec had heard the fairytales, of couples who were so in sync that they were practically one person. Couples who shared everything, that could share thoughts and emotions between them, who were practically telepathic.

Bonded soulmates rarely survived without each other. So he supposed in some ways Lydia was lucky. In others, she probably blamed herself for surviving. She probably blamed herself for not having sealed it, thinking that it might have saved her fiancé.

It probably wouldn’t have, not from the stories Alec had heard. But there was likely no telling her that.

Bonded soulmates were the envy of the world. And yet it couldn’t matter to Alec. He had his duty, his orders. He couldn’t afford to be distracted. He had the Lightwood name to restore, law to uphold, relations with the Clave to repair. He couldn’t let soulmarks interfere with that. It didn’t matter. He knew what he needed to do to get to where he wanted. To follow his heart.

“Lydia. I’ve been thinking…” Alec began after a long pause, exhaling slightly.

“If this is about your parents and the Institute, then I’m sorry Alec but my hands are tied. The Clave--”

“I know,” Alec cut in before she could go much further. “I respect that. The law is hard but it is the law. But I’ve been thinking about following my heart.”

“That didn’t end well for me,” Lydia reminded him gently. Alec smiled softly.

“I know. Not like that. I can’t bring John back for you, and I am sorry that I can’t give you that. But like you said, our families have been strong allies for centuries. We can use that to our advantage. If we work together, we can restore the Lightwood name and keep the institute.”

“What are you saying, Alec? That we could run the institute together?” Lydia asked hopefully, and Alec looked over. He could see the desire in her eyes. It was all she’d wanted. It was the thing he admired about Lydia, among many others. Her ambition. She was young and grieving still and yet she still tried to drive forward and upwards. To make a difference. To do the job they were all given, the duty they had to uphold. She understood him in a way Jace and Isabelle never could. They had so little regard for the rules that they would never understand Alec’s restraint, his need for order. Lydia did.

“Yes. We could,” Alec assured her. After all, that had been the role he was raised for. He was meant for this. If he needed Lydia to hold his position… then so be it. They could do this, together. His heart lay at the Institute, with his job. He had to follow that wherever it led him. Whatever he needed to do. And this was what he needed to do, soulmate or none, love or none. It was like Lydia said. The only thing worth loving was the job itself.

“How?” Lydia asked quietly, and Alec smiled softly.

“Marry me. Marry me and we can fix all of this,” he offered her. Lydia stared at him in surprise and shock. She didn’t seem to have words. Rather than wait for her, Alec bend down on one knee, looking up at her. “Will you, Lydia Branwell, marry me?”

“Yes. Yes, of course,” Lydia agreed after a pause, smiling softly. Alec stood, moving a little closer to her on the balcony. He pulled off his suit jacket for her, offering it to her after a moment.

“Here. You must be cold,” he offered. Lydia took it, draping it around her shoulders. There was a lull of silence again as they stared out at Alicante, contemplating everything. Everything Alec promised. Everything he hoped for. Everything he dared to dream of having. And all he had to do was marry Lydia. It was the right decision.

So why did he feel so hollow?

“Alec? Thank you,” Lydia murmured. Alec smiled, the faintest hint of the expression.

“Of course.”

It was the right choice. It was the right choice.

It was the only choice.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t as if Alec had been given time to dwell on his upcoming nuptials. No sooner had they gotten back to the institute than there had been an attack from some warped Forsaken on Valentine, a move from Lydia against Meliorn, the seelies and the downworld and the world was tilting again. And that was disregarding the fact that Clary’s little mundane friend was decidedly less mundane now. It was too much. But at least Alec had his path. He knew what he was doing, what his goal was, and how to get there.

Which meant no matter how much Jace and Izzy might not like it, the law was the law and he had to support Lydia. His… fiancée.

The words still felt bitter in his mouth, and it was impossible for Alec not to wonder if this was really the right choice. But this was how he could fix everything. This was his responsibility. Duty and the mission had to come above anything personal. The only way to fix his parents’ mistakes was to make a personal sacrifice, convince the Clave that the Lightwoods were still the Shadowhunter legacy they always had been. The honour came from the deed, his parents said.

Well, this was his deed. Fix their reputation. Stop Valentine.

The fact that Magnus had been around all day wasn’t helping matters, though. He’d been hired to fix the wards, to prevent another Forsaken attack, and Alec couldn’t help but sneak glances at the warlock, watching him work. It was fascinating, and a reminder of just how powerful he was. He pulled apart the wards and stitched them back together as if it was nothing. Magnus Bane was one of the greatest warlocks of the age. Even _Lydia_ had basically said so. Magnus was… fascinating and entrancing and powerful and Alec owed him so much. He owed him for the advice, at least.

But Magnus’ very presence reminded him of what he could have had, what the mark on his chest very well might mean. And Alec did his best to push those thoughts away, because there was little point in entertaining the notion. He’d made his choice. He was going to marry Lydia. It was the only path forward, the only way out of the mess he was in. Magnus couldn’t help with that.

Speaking of messes, his arm was definitely a lot worse than he’d remembered as he sat, rebandaging the wound. Magnus had offered to look at it, eyes full of concern, but Alec had refused. For so many reasons. The main one being that he couldn’t keep swaying between choices when he’d already committed to his path. Magnus was an important ally and contact. But it couldn’t be more than that. He couldn’t allow it to be more. And he had to make that clear.

Like a constant reminder, though, as soon as Alec emerged from the study, Magnus was there, checking up on him again. It wasn’t as if he didn’t appreciate the concern - honestly, he didn’t quite understand it, but he could appreciate the sentiment. But this… he owed Magnus the truth.

His heart said he owed Magnus a lot more, but Alec chose to ignore and focus on more important matters.

“I meant to thank you for your advice. The whole… ‘follow your heart’ thing,” Alec started. Magnus smiled, chuckling a little. It was such a nice expression on him. Alec was fascinated by him, the shine of his eyeshadow, the colour of his jacket against his skin, the warmth in his eyes… crap.

Magnus brushed it off as if it was nothing, no big deal. What was a little advice between friends? Alec swallowed a little. Magnus looked so hopeful, so enchanted. He needed to clear the air. He needed to spit it out, needed to tell Magnus in a way that wouldn’t hurt him, that wouldn’t make it sound so bad.

But the more Alec thought about, the more he realised there was no way that it _didn’t_ sound bad.

Why did he feel like he was doing the wrong thing _now_? He was marrying Lydia. It was the right choice. He had to stand by that. Magnus or not. The warlock was just a… confusion. A complication. One he could fix.

“I’m getting married,” he blurted out, after a hesitation. Not quite how he’d planned it but… still. Magnus tried to make light of it, but he knew he couldn’t allow it. This was his chance to set everything straight. Get things sorted out. He couldn’t afford to screw this up. But he owed Magnus an explanation at the very least.

In Magnus’ reply that managed to efficiently dismiss the issue, there was the veiled suggestion that them getting married wouldn’t be totally crazy. And that thought alone simultaneously made Alec’s heart soar and sink. Magnus dressed in gold, Magnus ready to do that for him… was something that could never happen. For so many reasons.

“Magnus, family is everything to me. You have to know that,” Alec tried to start again, tried to explain, tried to make the words make sense. After all, this was what he was doing it for. Not for his parents, but for Izzy and Max. He might love his job, but he owed them the opportunities that came with them having a strong reputation. Max especially. He had to do this for them as much as himself, and Magnus had to get that, right?

“I get it,” Magnus assured him, and Alec almost felt the sigh of relief coming on. But it didn’t last. Because Magnus still didn’t get it, mentioning traditions and what was expected of him. Of course it was true. Despite the concept of soulmates, the Clave still weren’t that accepting of… people who chose to interpret soulmate bonds a certain way. Soulmates of the same gender were implicitly expected to remain platonic. Parabatai, effectively. The Clave didn’t have room for movement on that.

A thousand years of soulmate bonds, and they still wouldn’t budge on that. The ridiculousness of it all was apparent, especially to Alec, but the Clave was the Clave. Some things would never change.

“I proposed to Lydia.”

In that moment, Alec could almost swear he saw the moment when Magnus Bane’s heart broke. His face seemed to crumple, a yawning sadness in his eyes. Alec wondered how much he knew. How much he had worked out. Alec’s soulmark had appeared the day he met Magnus, and Magnus had all but confirmed that warlocks had soulmarks too. Alec had never wanted to seriously consider it, but he knew the deep truth, he knew why he lied to his parents and the rest of the world about his soulmark, why he’d hidden it away.

Magnus Bane was his soulmate. He didn’t need to see some stupid mark to know it. And he didn’t need to ask to know that Magnus knew it too. And here he was, telling the man he was supposed to be with, the man who’d been flirting with him since they met, the man who’d been unfailingly kind and had never pushed, never asked for anything that Alec wasn’t already willing to give, that nothing could happen.

But nothing could happen. He had to marry Lydia. He had to go through with this. This was the only choice.

“That’s… interesting,” Magnus said eventually, trying to cover up whatever he felt.

“I… It makes sense,” Alec began, feeling desperately as though he had to justify breaking them both this way. “It’s a solid partnership. For both of us.”

“A solid partnership?” Magnus laughed, and Alec swore he could see the edge of hysteria there, of emotions that Magnus usually wasn’t willing to show. Alec got the feeling he was seeing a lot more of Magnus that most people ever got to. “That’s hot,” Magnus commented, a more vicious edge to his tone. “What about her soulmate? I assume she has one, and I doubt the Clave would approve of her neglecting that little strategic advantage. That’s what soul bonds are to you, right? Just another tie to be used?”

Alec could feel the barbs digging in, and he couldn’t keep eye contact, had the decency to look a little ashamed. He wanted to say it wasn’t like that. He wanted to say that soulmates were special, that it was more than just some piece on a chess board to be thrown away, but there was more at stake here. There were far more reasons to say no rather than yes. How could he justify it? Being so selfish?

“He died. She doesn’t have anyone else, and this is a good move for her career,” Alec defended.

“Oh, marriage is a career move now. I’m so glad,” Magnus commented dryly, and it wasn’t as if Alec couldn’t see the point. This wasn’t the idealistic view of marriage, but he couldn’t afford to be idealistic. Marriage was an alliance. He had to use that to his advantage “And what about you? What do you get out of it?” Magnus pushed. “She’s obviously not your soulmate since… you know what, never mind.” Magnus cut himself off, and Alec felt his heart catch in his mouth.

Oh, Magnus knew. Magnus knew more than Alec had ever been willing to say, and he had the feeling that was going to be a problem one day.

“Congratulations. Marriage is a wonderful institution. Not that I would know,” Magnus said, and Alec tried not to notice the sad, bitter edge to his last words. Alec wanted to fix it, to make that pain go away. He wanted to tell Magnus that it wasn’t personal, that it was nothing to do with _him_ but he knew he couldn’t. There was nothing he could do, no words to make it better. This was the right choice.

Alec swore that Magnus looked a little broken. Maybe as broken as Alec felt on the inside, as if someone had smashed a bottle and left the pieces strewn around in his soul. It wasn’t meant to be like this. It wasn’t meant to feel like this.

“Goodbye, Alexander.”

And then Alec had to watch Magnus walk out the door, along with all the opportunities and futures that went with that. There was a haunting finality to it all. But he’d made his choice. It was the right choice. It was the only choice.

So why did he need to keep telling himself that?

 

* * *

 

Nothing got easier. Nothing ever got easier. Jace betrayed him, lied to him, put everything at risk, put _Izzy_ at risk. Lydia put Izzy on trial, and they had to deal with a whole dance around that. And more than that, the one thing that could save her was lost to the winds with _Jace_. Jace, who was supposed to be there for him, and was nowhere to be found. Jace, who was supposed to care about Izzy, who was practically their brother. Jace who cared more about some little redhead more than the people he’d grown up with.

But just when all hope seemed lost there was Magnus. Magnus, who might bargain and bribe but ultimately left Alec with the bow and quiver he’d promised to give up. Sure, Magnus might technically own them but… Alec had thought Magnus was done with him. When he’d gone to ask for help, Alec had been so sure he’d refuse. And yet he hadn’t. He’d helped to save Izzy from exile. That was worth so much to Alec. More than he could say.

But Jocelyn was back and the Cup was where it belonged and finally everything felt like it might be rebalancing a little. He was getting married tomorrow. Everything would come to rights soon. He and Lydia would be able to control the Institute, could begin to rebuild the right way and… it would be fine. It had to be fine.

Magnus wanted to see him though. Maybe something about Jocelyn, or the Cup. It was important. It was business. Of course it would be business.

And yet when he got there, somehow he was surprised that Magnus absolutely did not want to discuss the cup, and instead was far more interested in continuing what they’d been talking about after the trial - his wedding. Magnus, who was determined to change his mind, it seemed. To make him think twice.

“There’s no conversation to be had. I’m getting married,” Alec insisted, glad he at least managed to sound surer than he felt. “You and I, we understand marriage very differently. This is about family, tradition, honour--”

“Honour? Where’s the honour in living a lie?” Magnus cut in, gesturing with his wine glass, looking confused. Alec shook his head, refusing to admit it. Refusing to let this argument change his mind.

“What are you talking about?” Alec asked, frown nestling onto his brow.

“What about love? What about those soul marks the Clave so adores? I was under the impression the Clave didn’t approve of people marrying someone other than their soulmate unless they’d actually met them.” Magnus pointed out.

“Lydia met hers and I don’t-” Alec began, the lie he’d been telling so often instinctively rolling off his tongue.

“Alexander. You can lie to the Clave and to Lydia and to everyone else as much as you please. But let’s not lie to each other. Don’t lie to yourself,” Magnus asked, almost begging. Alec glanced away, unable to face him. That was the thing. Alec had been denying the mark was even there since he found it. He saw Izzy’s concerned glances every time the wedding came up. She was the only one that knew, the only one who realised what he was throwing away to save the Lightwood name, to save them.

Her and Magnus, obviously.

“Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll stop. Tell me this isn’t what you want. Look me in the eye and tell me deep down, in your heart, in your _soul_ , that you don’t think this could work and I will never mention it again,” Magnus offered. Alec couldn’t answer. He couldn’t even meet Magnus’ gaze. It was all very well him making choices for the greater good, for the sake of the institute, lying to everyone around him. But he couldn’t lie to Magnus. Not the person who shared a part of who he was at his core. The person fate had chosen for _him_. After all, this wasn’t Magnus’ greater good. It was his.

Jace almost would have been easier to handle. It wouldn’t have been right. But this… this was complicated.

“I… why do you keep pushing?” Alec asked, trying to make his brain form coherent sentences as he finally met Magnus’ gaze. He was confused, and he made sure Magnus knew it. He’d made his choice, he didn’t need someone throwing that off balance. He brushed past Magnus, heading for the door. This wasn’t an option. He’d made his choice. Marrying Lydia was the only thing he could do. For everyone. It was the smart choice. The best choice.

“Confusion is part of it. All of this is part of it. Emotions are never black or white. They’re more like… symptoms,” Magnus began, and Alec suddenly was reminded of how long Magnus must have lived. Surely he’d had soulmates before? He couldn’t be special enough to be the only one. Magnus had said a friend of his had had two. How many people had Magnus been with over the years? How many times had he fallen in love? There was Camille at least… Alec struggled to picture them as soulmates but… did it matter? Did the soulmate bond really matter that much?

Alec had decided not. That was why he was doing this. Because he could live without it. Because he _thought_ he could live without it. But how could you really decide to live without something when you didn’t know what you were throwing away?

“You lose your breath every time they enter a room,” Magnus murmured, circling slowly, and Alec tried to trace him, to keep up with his movements. But somehow that made him less comfortable. What made him even less comfortable was the gentle brush of Magnus’ magic, a sensation he’d forgotten and something that seemed to set his whole body on fire. Some part of him sang at the contact, the soulmark on his chest feeling hotter and tighter on his skin than ever before. As if the magic felt right on his skin. As if it was meant to be there.

“Your heart beats faster when they walk by. Your skin tingles when they stand close enough to feel their breath.” Magnus punctuated his words with more brushes of magic, and Alec exhaled softly before finally turning to face Magnus, to face the truth of this whole situation. “I know you feel what I feel, Alec. I know that you know what’s between us. Don’t throw it away for honour. You don’t get many chances at this.”

“You have no _idea_ what I feel,” Alec insisted, clinging to the few facts he did know. “This… it doesn’t always work. And it… there… Just back off, Magnus.” It wasn’t as if it was a lie. Not all soulmates were romantic. Not all soulmates worked out like Magnus was implying. He could marry Lydia and still have Magnus as a soulmate. It wasn’t impossible. It was how the Clave would prefer it.

And yet something down in his soul screamed otherwise.

“This is easy for you,” Alec said, putting space back between them. “You flirt, you laugh, you use magic and you tell me to stop lying, but what do you risk? What do you have to lose? If I… Even if you were right, what do you want me to do? Give up my life for you? I could lose my family, my career, _everything_ . And you… you’d be fine. Nothing would change. You don’t get it. You can’t.” Having a Shadowhunter for a soulmate in the Warlock world surely wasn’t as big a scandal as the other way around. The Clave didn’t even acknowledge that Downworlders could have soulmarks. They’d reject it, call it sorcery, a lie. They’d reject him for being… for Magnus being… But they’d reject him for sharing a soul with a _downworlder_ too. It couldn’t work.

He had to go through with the wedding. Lydia was the smart choice. She was a great friend, and she got him. They could have everything they’d ever wanted together.

Everything but a soulmate.

“You have a choice to make,” Magnus said, a steel in his eyes Alec hadn’t seen before. “I will not ask again.” Alec turned away, every intention of leaving. He had to marry Lydia. It was the right choice. It had to be the right choice. It was the only choice he had. If he married Lydia he rescued the Lightwood name, kept the Institute in the family, gave Izzy and Max a future, kept his job, kept his duty and his mission intact. If he didn’t… if he did what Magnus wanted…

He might not even be a Shadowhunter anymore. And the empty impossibility of that made him want to be sick.

Alec turned around to respond, but found the room cold, empty and barren as his soul felt. His whole being was screaming out for Magnus Bane, the mark electricity on his skin. But how could he say yes? How could he justify throwing away all of that? Lydia would never forgive him. Max, Izzy…

Most of all, though, Alec wasn’t sure if he’d forgive himself.

 

* * *

 

The wedding was perfect for all the wrong reasons.

Everyone had kept asking him if this was what he really wanted. And Alec, stubborn as he was kept saying yes, kept assuring the world this was exactly what he wanted. This was the right choice, after all. It had to be. It gave him the institute, kept Max and Izzy safe, fixed everything, made Lydia happy in her career… so he was sacrificing his soulmate. Did it matter that much?

Izzy had very nearly killed him when she found out his plan, but now she just seemed resigned. This was going through whether they liked it or not, because this was the only thing to be done. The representatives from the Clave were in attendance, Lydia’s family, and a lot of people Alec had never met. It was a sea of faces he had to keep on side for a whole host of reasons. There were a thousand reasons he was standing there watching Lydia walk down the aisle.

And he seemed to forget every single one when Magnus Bane walked in the door.

Lydia had been all but ready to finish this, to draw the Marriage rune on his wrist, but then Magnus was there and the whole room seemed to pause, and Alec swore all the air in the room was gone from the sheer volume of shocked gasps and inhales. He could hear Jace and Izzy talking but his brain couldn’t take in the words, and he couldn’t breathe, chest feeling tight. Magnus looked perfect. Magnus looked like… everything.

Alec didn’t realise what it felt like to give up your soulmate until he appeared at the back of the room, watching him marry someone else. And suddenly it all felt crazy. Magnus wasn’t wrong. If he did this, if he married Lydia… he could have everything he’d wanted. Except one thing. Love. Happiness. A soulmate. He could see it all laid out before him, what would happen. The facade he and Lydia would try to build for the Clave’s sake, the things they’d do in the name of duty and honour. He’d have the perfect career, the things he wanted. And it would probably kill him, in the end. It always did.

And yet here was Magnus Bane, offering hope and joy and love. Here was Magnus Bane, offering him a soulmate, a perfect equal, someone who would understand every inch of his actions and his being, who would be there for him no matter what. That was what a soulmate was. Someone to rely on. Someone to have, no matter what. And whilst the Clave might demand it was platonic, Alec didn’t want that. He wanted to explore what he was feeling, that fire in his veins and desire in his heart.

He couldn’t do that if he married Lydia. It had been the only choice. But it wasn’t the right one. He could see that now. Too late, he could see what Izzy had begged him to see.

The Institute and some abstract family honour wasn’t worth giving up on a soulmate for.

Lydia was his real hero though. Lydia was the one that said it was okay, that he didn’t have to worry. And Alec owed her… everything. Most of all an explanation. But he knew somehow who he owed an explanation to first.

Magnus.

It had all felt like a whirlwind again. His mother was furious, and all the people were… surprised at his actions. But Alec couldn’t regret it. Kissing your soulmate… if a mere touch was electricity, a kiss was a volcano and a thunderstorm wrapped into one. Every part of him lit up at the touch he knew he was supposed to have, and Alec never wanted to let go, never wanted to walk away. But then his brain had reminded him where he was and well… at least that brought reality crashing back in.

But after the Book of the White was dealt with there was something of a pause. After his parents were done expressing their opinions about everything, after the waves had finished crashing over them. And Alec found himself standing by Magnus and just… smiled.

“Did you tell them? About the… other part of our relationship?” Magnus asked after a moment, and Alec looked away from the rest of the Institute, focusing on Magnus, on how attractive he looked with those highlights, on how he wasn’t quite sure how he’d ended up with this incredible person as his _soulmate_ , of all things.

“You mean that we’re soulmates?” Magnus looked a little surprised at that, that Alec had actually said the words and Alec laughed. Magnus looked almost more surprised at that. But then, he didn’t think he’d ever laughed around Magnus before. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt able to. But now, despite everything… he felt free. Free to say the words out loud, admit what he felt and be able to stand by it. Screw the Clave. Screw the Institute. He didn’t want to live in a society where being with his soulmate was wrong. If that was what it came to… so be it. “No, not yet. Never came up.”

“Will you?” Magnus asked, almost shyly. Alec nodded a little.

“Eventually. Maybe. I don’t know if they’ll forgive me,” Alec admitted.

“Don’t underestimate a parent’s love,” Magnus cautioned him softly, and Alec smiled wanly in return, even if he didn’t believe it. It would seem pretty harsh if his parents didn’t forgive him for this. But then… his parents weren’t exactly the most forgiving of people. But Alec wasn’t sure if it mattered. They had been in the Circle. He was never going to forgive them for that either.

“Do you regret it?” Magnus asked after a pause, causing Alec to look up suddenly. He shook his head a little, fiddling with his hands.

“It all happened so fast but… no. Of course not,” Alec assured him, and he could see the hope in Magnus’ eyes. “We’re supposed to be together, right? That’s not a decision I can ever regret.”

“No, I suppose not,” Magnus agreed, and Alec thought he could almost see Magnus relax a little. But there was still something there. “You didn’t do this out of.. obligation, did you?” Alec shook his head gently.

“Magnus… I like you. I’m not here _just_ because we’re soulmates,” Alec assured him. Magnus had so many walls, so many defences to climb. Alec felt like he only ever got glimpses of who the warlock was, what he felt. But he wanted to work out more. He wanted to get to know Magnus. He wanted to know all of him. And the only remedy for that was time.

“When did you know? That it was me?”

“I guessed right away,” Alec admitted. “The timing was strange but… it felt right. It made sense. I know Izzy got her mark ages ago but--”

“That might be my fault, I’m afraid. Warlocks only receive their soul marks when they meet the person in question.”

“Oh.” Alec thought about that, licking his lips a little. He didn’t know whether to ask what he wanted or not, but… they were supposed to be open with each other, right? Trust each other? It would take time, but… Alec was willing to take the first step. He hadn’t cancelled his own wedding for nothing.

God, he needed to thank Lydia.

“What does it look like? Your soulmark?” Alec asked quietly, and Magnus chuckled softly.

“If you wanted me to take my clothes off, Alexander, all you had to do was ask.” Alec flushed, stammering a little as Magnus reached up, undoing the top buttons of his shirt. His brain seemed to freeze, but by the third button Alec could see it, a hint of a mark on unblemished skin. Swallowing to ignore everything _else_ about seeing Magnus’ chest, Alec nodded.

“Yeah… yep. That’s it. That’s definitely… it.” Magnus smiled, doing his shirt back up, winking at Alec.

“I would undress more but I tend to wait until the third date,” he teased and Alec choked a little.

“I… Look… Magnus. I’m sorry about everything, I just… you know… family is so important to me and I thought--”

“Alexander. It’s okay. I understand. I might not like it, but I understand. And I’m so proud that you decided against it all.” Alec nodded. That was what he needed to hear, really. Izzy was with him. Jace was with him. Magnus was with him.

What else did he need, really?

“We should go find Lydia, I really need to make sure she’s okay,” Alec suggested, and Magnus nodded, agreeing.

“She rather was the hero of the hour. I suppose I should be grateful you at least picked an admirable woman to almost marry.”

Poor Lydia, though. Alec, who had promised her so much and let her down. Maybe there was a way to work it out, so they still got everything. The Clave would never let him control the Institute now but maybe they would let Lydia stay more permanently. She could help, at least. A spell at the New York Institute had to be good for her career, right?

Alec owed her the world. He owed her the chance at having a soulmate. And he would never stop being grateful for that. After all, a soulmate was one of the greatest gifts in the world.

 

* * *

 

“Alexander, are you _sure_ about this?”

“Clary promised it would work, and I want us to do this.”

“I adore Clary, but this whole idea is making me a little nervous.”

“You agreed!”

“To the idea! I didn’t quite grasp the practicalities!”

Alec frowned, dropping his stele from where it had been poised at Magnus’ chest. He still wasn’t quite over the whole seeing-his-boyfriend-shirtless thing, but it had happened enough times that he was starting to build up a tolerance. Or so he told himself.

“Magnus, if you’re not comfortable with this we don’t have to-” Alec began, full of concern and love for the very powerful warlock before him who suddenly looked very very vulnerable.

“No! No,” Magnus insisted, grabbing Alec’s hands, twining their fingers together. “I agreed to it. Sealing the bond. Because you mean the world to me, because it feels right, and because with everything going on I don’t want to live with any regrets,” Magnus assured him. Alec smiled softly. It hadn’t even been his idea, necessarily. Izzy had just casually asked one day if he and Magnus had sealed their soulmate bond yet, and Alec had nearly choked.

It was all very well being soulmates. That was all some people ever were. Magnus had assured him that warlocks and other downworlders didn’t have the concept of completing the bond like Shadowhunters did. Shadowhunters, who used runes along with their soulmarks to forge a permanent bond between each other. To share powers and strategy in the heat of battle. At least, that was what the Grey Book said it was for. Alec knew it was deeper than that. It was also permanent.

After Izzy had mentioned it, mentioned that she was planning on sealing her own bond soon, Alec couldn’t help but think about it. He adored Magnus, and the thought of having him there, of them being able to lean on each other in every way, no matter what… he liked the idea. And Magnus had agreed.

What Magnus had apparently forgotten was that soulmarks were sealed with a rune, and Downworlders couldn’t usually bear runes. But Alec had spoken to Clary - as unthinkable as that might have been not so long ago - and she’d assured him the rune she’d given him would work, no harm done. She did seem to have a certain talent for runes, and she’d never failed them yet. He took her at her word. He trusted her on this.

“We can wait,” Alec suggested none the less, not deterred by what Magnus was saying. “Do some more research, see what we can find.”

“Like you said, your sister and her lovely fiancée have already given us assurances. I suppose it will have to do,” Magnus pointed out. “Besides. It wouldn’t do to have Clary and Isabelle unhappy for their wedding.” Alec smiled. It hadn’t been what he’d expected of Izzy - he’d seen her glances at Simon, and everything Clary shared with Jace, but in the end it had all been the opposite way around.

But they were happy. As impossible as that had sounded not so long ago, as impossible as that sounded now, in the chaos of war. But maybe war had sharpened their focus on what was important. Either way, Alec had learned to take what he could get.

“I want us to do this for _us_ , Magnus,” Alec pointed out, squeezing Magnus’ hand gently. He smiled, leaning a little closer, their foreheads nearly touching.

“I know. I do too. I’m sorry if I implied anything different. I just… I’ve seen what happens when this goes wrong.”

Alec smiled softly, leaning in to press a brief kiss to Magnus’ lips, luxuriating in the fact that he could do that at all. That he got to be in his boyfriend’s apartment, alone, stealing whatever kisses and touches he wanted. That he was always wanted here. That he was always supported.

He loved it all.

“If you’re not ready, we can wait,” Alec repeated again, concerned and not willing to pressure Magnus into anything. But Magnus took a deep breath, shook his head, and position Alec’s hand back at his chest.

“Just like ripping off a band-aid, right?” Magnus said lightly, and Alec smiled softly, searching Magnus’ eyes. When he didn’t see any hesitation there he began to draw, stele burning into skin. Magnus winced a little, but Alec was well practiced, and as quickly and precise as ever. Once he was finished, he shifted the stele in his grip, offering to Magnus.

“Your turn,” he said gently, and Magnus nodded, reaching forward. Magnus had a good memory, and something of an artist’s flourish, and although he wasn’t as efficient as a Shadowhunter, there was something entirely too attractive about him putting a rune on him.

Alec didn’t really get time to ponder it though, because as soon as the rune was complete it was like getting hit with a bus. His skin tingled and a new connection snapped into place, sitting side by side with his parabatai link, only all the more intense for it’s newness. As he sat, he swore he could feel a sense of wonder and nervousness that he knew could only come from one place. It was like his world had been given a whole new dimension.

And Magnus had never looked more beautiful to him than he did right then.

“Magnus…” Alec breathed softly, taking him in all at once.

“Alexander,” he replied in kind, eyes drifting down. Alec mirrored the movement, and his eyes landed on the soulmark. Circled perfectly with their new rune, the soulmark was similarly black and more defined as it had ever been. And Alec couldn’t help but grin.

“Is that… a cat up a tree?” Alec asked. Magnus squinted, and it was a testament to how close they were that Alec didn’t even squirm at the rather intense gaze fixed on his chest.

“I suppose it’s appropriate, Mr Light _wood_ ,” Magnus pointed out, and Alec laughed openly, glad to feel a twinge of resounding humour from the other side of his new bond. “I’m yours from here on out, Alexander.”

“As if you weren’t already,” Alec pointed out, teasing slighted, and Magnus smiled, nodding a little.

“True. But now it’s official.”

“And I yours, then, Magnus Bane,” Alec echoed.

He leaned in, kissing his soulmate for the first time with their bond completed, and definitely not for the last. It was… intense and frightening but wholly and altogether perfect. It was everything. Magnus was everything Alec needed in his life.

But then, what were soulmates for?


End file.
